A podcast on the everyday reflections and experiences of a Kenyan woman. An examination of life living through mental health issues, grief, growing up a.k.a kicking and screaming into adulthood, the experiences of being a woman in Kenya, making friends as an adult, and struggles with faith.

Cocoa Butter Junkie

EPISODE 19. More random thoughts, poems, pieces and such from 2016

In the episode I go back to a painful period in my life

Pieces I read in the episode
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/living-someone-else-s-life-9ee14b30b422
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/practicality-a-k-a-kicking-and-screaming-into-adulthood-895c4c895ed2
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/my-eyes-are-wide-open-168904d7203f
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/my-dear-brother-565100275861
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/thoughts-inspired-by-death-and-the-new-year-61680a021fc7
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/one-empty-mind-521ae3262f3

THIS WEEK'S RECOMMENDATIONS
https://www.youtube.com/c/thefuturishere
https://www.instagram.com/thefuturishere/

The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie

Follow me on the socials @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram and Facebook. Please share, rate and review!

Email me cocoabutterjunkie@gmail.com

Thank you for listening!

Consider supporting the podcast :
https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/cocoabutterjnky

Music
Happy African Village by John Bartman
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8

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EPISODE 18. What therapy will not do

In the episode I examine common misconceptions about therapy

HELPFUL RESOURCES
https://www.instagram.com/p/CHs3ZGMhdIZ/

The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app 
https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie

Follow me on the socials @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram and Facebook. 
Please share, rate and review!

Email me cocoabutterjunkie@gmail.com

Thank you for listening!

Consider supporting the podcast :
https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/cocoabutterjnky

Music 
Happy African Village by John Bartman
Birds by Monk Turner
Fascinoma-04 Its Your Birthday Instrumental Version by Monk Turner
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8

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EPISODE 17. The things we say to ourselves a.k.a Automatic Thoughts

In the episode this week, let's examine how we talk to ourselves.
This weeks recommendations
Dr. Tracey Marks
https://youtu.be/Ux0FHPux6J0
Softie The Film
https://youtu.be/vfKFuvjFn_4
https://www.softiethefilm.com/watch

The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie
Follow me on the socials @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram and Facebook. 
Please share, rate and review!
Email me cocoabutterjunkie@gmail.com
Thank you for listening!

Consider supporting the podcast : https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8

Further reading
https://www.mindwell-leeds.org.uk/myself/feel-better/practise-self-help/depression-self-help/challenge-how-you-think-depression
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/stop-automatic-negative-thoughts#1-remove-should-thoughts
https://positivepsychology.com/challenging-automatic-thoughts-positive-thoughts-worksheets/
https://cimhs.com

Music 
Happy African Village by John Bartman
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami
Ellie's Home Stretch by The Green North Sound Society
Fascinoma-04 Its Your Birthday Instrumental Version by Monk Turner

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EPISODE 16. Crazy people don't go to therapy ft. Muhu

In the episode we talk to Muhu, a counseling psychologist about the therapy process, exploring what it is, what its not and common misconceptions about it.
MTRH-Moi Teaching and Referral Hospital
You can book a session with her on +254714807447
Growth Catalyst
https://www.growthcatalysts.org/
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
This weeks recommendations
Dr. Ramani
https://www.youtube.com/user/DoctorRamanDurvasula
The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie
Follow me on the socials @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram and Facebook. Please share, rate and review!
Email me cocoabutterjunkie@gmail.com
Thank you for listening!
Consider supporting the podcast : https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie
Music 
Happy African Village by John Bartman
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami
Ellie's Home Stretch by The Green North Sound Society

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EPISODE 15. Emotional Abuse:Examining our own toxicity

Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
In the episode this week we explore emotional abuse, starting with ourselves
This weeks recommendations
Zikora
https://www.amazon.com/Zikora-Short-Chimamanda-Ngozi-Adichie-ebook/dp/B08K942N84
Notion
https://www.notion.so
The podcast is available on Audible and Amazon Podcasts
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/d8e039f7-7f1d-4309-a628-0c140bbdc725/Cocoa-Butter-Junkie
Follow me on the socials @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram and Facebook. Please share, rate and review!
Email me cocoabutterjunkie@gmail.com
Thank you for listening
Consider supporting the podcast : https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie
Music 
Happy African Village by John Bartman
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami
Ellie's Home Stretch by The Green North Sound Society

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EPISODE 14. A Conversation with Ama

On the episode this week, A Conversation with Ama
This weeks recommendations
Conversations with Ama
https://anchor.fm/conversationswithama/
Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uM13pZxBLM
An open letter to South African Men by Vusi Thembekwayo
https://medium.com/@vusispeaker/an-open-letter-to-south-african-men-d290022c356d

Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app 
https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie

Follow me on the socials @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram and Facebook. 
Please share, rate and review!
Email me cocoabutterjunkie@gmail.com
Thank you for listening!

Consider supporting the podcast : https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie
Music 
Happy African Village by John Bartman 
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami
Ellie's Home Stretch by The Green North Sound Society

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EPISODE 13. I do not give you my consent

On the episode this week is a submission I received from one of you guys, a listener...

This weeks recommendations
Criminal UK Season 2 Episode 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtHBrjgDjes

Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie

Follow me on the socials @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Please share, rate and review!
Email me cocoabutterjunkie@gmail.com

Thank you for listening
Consider supporting the podcast : https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie

Music 
Happy African Village by John Bartman 
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami
Ellie's Home Stretch by The Green North Sound Society
Into It by Kwon

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EPISODE 12. Is a table a table? ft. Ntombi

Today I talk with Ntombi from the Podcast Season 2000 about making the same episode on both our podcasts :-) 

This weeks recommendations
Go listen to Ntombizodwa: Season 2000
Unspoken Feelings of a Gentleman I & II by Pierre Alex Jeanty
How to Stop Feeling So Damn Depressed: The No BS Guide for Men by Jonas A. Horwitz PhD

Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie
Follow me on the socials @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram and Facebook. Please share, rate and review!
Email me: cocoabutterjunkie@gmail.com
Thank you for listening!

Consider supporting the podcast : https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie

Music 
Happy African Village by John Bartman Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami
Fascinoma-04 Its Your Birthday Instrumental Version by Monk Turner
Ellie's Home Stretch by The Green North Sound Society
Into It by Kwon

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EPISODE 11. What grief feels like...

Hey there!
I’m baaaack!! For real this time! Welcome to Season Two of the podcast!!!!
In this episode, I tackle what I’ve been up to since I took a break & what grief has been like for me

Grief definition from 
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/grief
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief
Read The 128th stage of grief here
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/the-128th-stage-of-grief-6118de96ca23
The stammer
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/the-stammer-73170532fcf1
I am so down in the dumps, my soul is overwhelmed.
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/i-am-so-down-in-the-dumps-my-soul-is-overwhelmed-309055584f9e

Listen to Episode 2 here
https://anchor.fm/cocoabutterjunkie/episodes/EPISODE-2--My-Mental-Health-Experience-efhl75
Listen to Episode 3 here
https://anchor.fm/cocoabutterjunkie/episodes/EPISODE-3--The-day-I-found-out-my-brother-was-dead-efmq4e
Listen to Episode 8 here
https://anchor.fm/cocoabutterjunkie/episodes/EPISODE-8--Women-Vs-Womanhood-in-Kenya-ehel26

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: Notes on Grief | The New Yorker
https://www.newyorker.com/culture/personal-history/notes-on-grief
MDQ’s episodes on CTA
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLY82RVylbju3bkK_ya_PD0w0690w9Loi2
Passenger List. 
https://passengerlist.org/
 Unmarried 
https://www.showmax.com/eng/tvseries/9e6vwnk0-unmarried

The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app
https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie
Follow me on the socials  @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
Please share, rate and review!
Thank you for listening
Consider supporting the podcast : https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
Music
Happy African Village by John Bartman
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami



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I AM HERE FOR YOU, THE EMPTIEST PLATITUDE

Hey, so here's a bonus episode as I work  on Season 2. It's taking a  shape I hadn’t planned on but I am happy it is going the way it is…can’t  wait to release it.  Just a few more days!

Platitude definition read from wikipedia : https://g.co/kgs/zUYhkr

Take me up on the offer. I am really here. Go to anchor.fm/message/cocoabutterjunkie and leave me a message.
 Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8 
This week I’m listening to 
Where should we begin with Esther Perel, a podcast that follows one couple’s therapy session of different couples with Esther Perel. 

The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app : https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie

Follow me on the socials  @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
Please share, rate and review!

Thank you for listening!

Please consider supporting the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie

Music
Happy African Village by John Bartman
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami

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EPISODE 10. The Glitz and Glam of the Behind the Scenes

I need a mental health break guys....and I'm taking it. So this will be the final episode of this season. But worry not, I will be back with more episodes in a few weeks. I'm taking this time to work on them. In the mean time, you can learn what it takes to work on this podcast.
Lemme know if you're interested in an IG live and what topics you'd like covered in Season 2.
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/message/cocoabutterjunkie

Please consider supporting the podcast.
https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie
Peyton Sawyer's Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/peytons-podcast/id292591486
Serial Podcast
https://serialpodcast.org
List of Kenyan Podcasts I'm currently listening to 
Otherwise  
Surviving Nairobi
Legally clueless
Living truthfully
CKIZA
The Human Interest podcast
My African Start up story
Too Simple
The backstory
Mwende Says
This week's recommendations
Jesus & Jollof Podcast
https://jesusandjollof.simplecast.com/
Twilight App
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.urbandroid.lux&hl=en

The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app
https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie

Follow me on the socials  @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
Please share, rate and review!
Email:cocoabutterjunkie@gmail.com
Thank you for listening!

Music
Happy African Village by John Bartman

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EPISODE 9. First-born manenos & pressuring a friend into therapy

On this episode , another phone call with a friend. We just got right into it, talking about identity crisis, toxic work environments, giving on empty, friendships ,first born manenos ,boundaries,COVID-19 and I basically pressure Mary into therapy :-)
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
This week's podcast recommendations
@rangipop
@ginodrawsit
@homewithrue
@islandboiphotography
All in Instagram

Psych2go : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkJEpR7JmS36tajD34Gp4VA
Wahura Kabutha : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuCsv_d1SHgOk9wV_tZugdQ

The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app
https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie

Follow me on the socials  @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
Please share, rate and review!

Thank you for listening. Please consider supporting the podcast on Patreon
https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie

Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/message/cocoabutterjunkie

Music
Happy African Village by John Bartman
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami

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EPISODE 8. Women Vs Womanhood in Kenya

On this episode I explore sexual assault, sexual harassment, women and their work, catcalling, the importance of having a thick skin and a few other gems on what it means to be a woman in Kenya in 2020 A huge thanks to all the ladies who submitted their stories for this episode. If you would like to submit your experiences, please contact me via email on cocoabutterjunkie[at]gmail.com or social media  
Please have a look at this video in IG 
https://www.instagram.com/tv/CBIvDepDFvk/?igshid=qjhk2f5rxzb0 
https://www.instagram.com/tv/CBC61PjATCc/ 
I Know This Much Is True TV Series 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4KBGydqlVk 

Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8

The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app 
https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie 

Follow me on the socials  @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. 
Please share, rate and review! 

Thank you for listening and please consider supporting the podcast 
https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie 

Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/message/cocoabutterjunkie

Music 
Happy African Village by John Bartman 
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami

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EPISODE 7. I just wanted to win ft. Magarita

This week I talk to another high school friend about losing a brother, her mental health journey, how her family has adjusted to her condition, experiencing work as a woman and of course how 2020 and COVID have affected her life.  
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
This weeks podcast recommendations
The Infinite Game by Simon Sinek
https://simonsinek.com/the-infinite-game

The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
https://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck

Kina
https://stories.showmax.com/kina-series/


The podcast on Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1LcY5LYBt24l43nL_SrnkKAv2RK4KOry


The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app
https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie

Follow me on the socials  @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
Please share, rate and review!

Thank you for listening

Consider supporting the podcast
https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie

Music
Happy African Village by John Bartman
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami

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EPISODE 6. I didn't know I was feisty ft. Christabel

It’s a  long episode guys so get your favourite drink and snack and settle in. I have a guest! 

We talk about one woman’s journey into adulthood, newly found freedoms as an 18 year old. family ties , the importance of relationships and community outside of family, racism, sexism, mental health, the patriarchy, misogyny, resilience, workplace harassment, making it, OCD and therapy, growing up outside of Kenya, respect or the lack thereof for women and why no one is listening,  and of course 2020 and COVID…
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
This weeks podcast recommendations
Impact Theory by Tom Bilyeu
In therapy 

The podcast on Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1LcY5LYBt24l43nL_SrnkKAv2RK4KOry


The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app
https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie

Follow me on the socials  @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook

Consider supporting the podcast
https://www.patreon.com/cocoabutterjunkie

Music
Happy African Village by John Bartman
Not Remembering her by Esther Abrami

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EPISODE 5. Toxic and Positivity don't belong in the same episode title

The anxiety was high this week, so I may sound like I’m hyperventilating :-)
In the episode today , I give quick update on the state of my mental health , talk about toxic positivity and let you in on some IG accounts I am loving this week.
Mentioned in the episode
Cocoa Butter Junkie on Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1LcY5LYBt24l43nL_SrnkKAv2RK4KOry
The Psychology group video
https://thepsychologygroup.com/toxic-positivity/
Teachers seek mental health support 
https://parentsafrica.com/2020/06/29/report-shows-that-400-teachers-sought-mental-health-support-in-april/
https://citizentv.co.ke/news/400-teachers-sought-mental-health-support-over-depression-in-april-report-337021/

IG accounts mentioned in the episode
@africacovidexhibition @pichaimages @melaninjourney @dopeblackart and  @notesfromyourtherapist.

The podcast is available on your favourite podcast app
https://www.linktr.ee/cocoabutterjunkie

Leave me a voice note :-)
anchor.fm/cocoabutterjunkie
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
Music: Happy African Village by John Bartmann

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EPISODE 4. The random thoughts and musings of a grieving sister

Today I will read some stories, poems and thoughts I wrote the year after my brother died. 
As I said, COVID-19 has forced me to think about my brother’s death more these last few months. The first year, to deal with the shock of losing him, I would write.
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
Links  mentioned in the episode
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/that-first-walk-5215dde29e06
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/i-want-to-be-normal-f10461979f1e
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/hopes-and-dreams-i-had-for-my-brother-29e7c719995
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/be-strong-f436c4b550f1
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/lessons-from-my-brothers-death-2d8ee6d2abc6
Follow me on the socials @thiskenyanwoman on Instagram & Twitter 
Podcast Pages @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook

Music: Happy African Village by John Bartmann

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EPISODE 3. The day I found out my brother was dead

Today I tell you about my brother, the journey to finding out he’d died, the first time I saw him in a casket, his burial and the journey since

For those not from Kenya, 
* Matatu = public transport bus , 
* Matatu stage = bus stop, 
* Maragoli = one of the ethnic communities/languages spoken in Kenya, 
* Safaricom  = most popular Telcom in Kenya
* Town = the city
* Fundi = Tailor

Doing this episode was really hard for me. Recording and editing the audio took a lot. Reliving the death of loved one is hard. I didn’t realize just how hard it would be...

The day that this episode goes live was supposed to be my brother’s birthday. June 28th. He would be turning thirty.

You will hear a lot of   “…at some point” “…aaaand…”, clicks, and awkward laughs  :-)

I wrote this  couple of months after my brother died…I mentioned it in the episode
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/that-first-walk-5215dde29e06
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/i-want-to-be-normal-f10461979f1e
https://medium.com/@thiskenyanwoman/hopes-and-dreams-i-had-for-my-brother-29e7c719995

Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
Follow me on the socials @thiskenyanwoman on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook
Podcast Pages @cocobutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook
Music: Happy African Village by John Bartmann


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EPISODE 2. My Mental Health Experience

In this episode I talk about the first time I realized that my mental health might not be at 100%. I talk about signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety, seeing a doctor for the first time, getting on medication and my experience on the meds.
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
Apps I use (on Android) are Inuka, Youper, and Wysa.
I follow @nedratawwab on Instagram 
On Youtube I follow Psychology Demystified, Dr Tracey Marks, Live by Design with Grace Kariuki and Therapy in a nutshell  

I have also done a Pinterest Board on Mental health. Have a look and see if you feel any of the same symptoms.
https://www.pinterest.com/msmiira/selfcare/mental-health/ 
Follow me on the socials @thiskenyanwoman on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook
Podcast Pages @cocoabutterjunkie on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook
Music: Happy African Village by John Bartmann

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EPISODE 1. My Vision Board Vs 2020

Welcome to the Cocoa Butter Junkie podcast. I’m Michelle and this is my podcast. 
This is a podcast on the everyday reflections and experiences of a Kenyan woman. An examination of life living through mental health issues, grief, growing up a.k.a kicking and screaming into adulthood, the experiences of being a woman in Kenya, making friends as an adult, struggles with faith and bunch of other topics.
Today I talk about my vision board versus everything 2020 has brought with it.
Follow me on @thiskenyanwoman on Twitter and Instagram.
Let me know how COVID has affected your plans for this year by leaving a voice note on anchor.fm/cocoabutterjunkie
Please take 5 mins and give me your feedback-->https://forms.gle/A2d84D8TRkxeDdUe8
Thanks for listening!
Music: Happy African Village by John Bartmann

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EPISODE 4. The random thoughts and musings of a grieving sister

Cocoa Butter Junkie

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